When it feels bloody good

I need a minute to talk about the complexity of having a good day, then a very good day, then being told that you're manic.

Its not easy living with bipolar hanging over your head all of the time.  Its always just when you think that things are working out ok that you realise that you are sneaking up to a manic phase.  Its a bit shit really.

So up to today I've been feeling pretty good, and then maybe over the weekend I've been a bit manic, but I'm not over the edge and I'm enjoying it so how come I have to put up with everyone else's fears and worries.  I know my body and I know my mind, and I am sure that I can manage this time.  In fact, I'm not even that high.  I'm maybe in a hypo, and if I am then I don't see why I need to ring CMHT or see GPs.  Next time I'm just going to do it alone.

I know what I have to do.  I have to get to sleep on time, which is round about now, and I know that I need to control my routine this week - which is an unfortunate week to do it because everything is upside down with work. 

Finding something to keep me occupied on an evening would be good because otherwise my brain starts to chew a bit.  I mean tonight I'm on 2 tranqs and will probs take a 3rd before bed.  Yes I'm high but I can bring it down.

Am disappointed that my CPN and GP didn't acknowledge my call or thank me for telling them that I'm high....surely all this information is supposed to make it easier for them to treat me???

Anyway, to bed now and I reckon tomorrow is another day - AND IT WILL BE A BLOODY GOOD ONE.  Screw em.